What to Avoid When Dating Gay Black Men

Are you interested in dating gay black men? Then, you have come to the right place. Over the years, gay black men have been complaining about everyday difficulties and challenges that they are faced with when dating in an environment that has long been tokenizing and ignoring them. However, they are one of the best groups to interact and socialize with.

What should you avoid doing to gain interest and establish a long-lasting connection with gay black men? Below are some of the things you should not do.

Using disturbing pickup lines

Research has it that frequently, gay black men lose interest in a man right from the beginning when they use innocuous pickup lines. Many black gay guys claim that most people do the damage by bombarding them with lines that seem to be tokenizing them.

For example, don’t just approach a guy at a gay bar and start the conversation with an “I have been with a black dude by I wouldn’t mind getting it with you” type of line. First of all, he will feel like you have eroticized him right from the beginning.

The best thing to do would be to remain neutral in your approach, avoiding unnecessary and sensitive comments that can spark negative emotions.

Avoid stereotypes

Assume you have approached that man and started a conversion, and out of nowhere, you ask him, ” I thought the only place I would meet and interact with a gay black man is online.”  The chances are high that the moment you say this, the mood around will change immediately. Such insidious stereotypic comments are a significant turn-off.

Another gay stereotype that upsets gay black men is the constant “you must be huge” comment. Yes, it might be your thing, but wouldn’t that be a little bold of you to assume? That should always be a matter of the beholder’s eye. As they say, one man’s Range Rover can be another man’s Fiat.

Don’t just date for the Gram

Yes, dreaming vividly and out loud is an attractive trait. However, there is something unattractive about dating someone who has already planned out everything in the future; the names of future children, wedding attire, hybrid last names, etc. Additionally, don’t be the person who is constantly pushing for both of you to be the new Instagram gay power couple.

Such things are allowed, yes, but don’t let them seem like your foremost desires. Nurture the relationship first, develop the connection, pick up mutual interests, and start building your future. Being too focused on what you want in the future might freak out your partner. Take things slowly!

Do not cross boundaries

As much as being vulnerable and controlling is vital in a relationship, avoid taking it too far. Be as open as so possible to him but without compromising their space and safety.

How do you know when you have reached the boundary? Discuss it. Talk about what both of you like, what you don’t, and the limits to govern your relationship.


Dating is all about fun, growth, and possibility. It is an opportunity to engage in another person’s life experiences, explore, learn, and enjoy. Knowing what to avoid will only spice up your relationship.